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“Are you sure this is the only new story left?”
“Yep. Unless you want to read an old one.”
“How about re-reading that one where I go to the Playboy Mansion and you disguise yourself as one of the playgirls there?”
“You like that much, huh?
“How could I not? Playboy Mansion, you, faux bunny ears. A man’s dream. Don’t you roll your eyes at me now.”
“But you’ve read that one like a hundred times already. Don’t you get bored?”
“Never. And that’s why it’s saved here.”
“This will be a long flight. If we’re about to read an old one, the least we can do is to find a good long story, not a one shot.”
“But this new story is a one shot too.”
“But this is a new, long, one shot. Look, almost 6000 words.”
“Why can’t we read an old one shot?”
“Because we’ll have something to talk about after reading this new one. We’ve talked about nearly everything that needed to be talked about of all the other one shots. What will be left there for us after reading them?”
“Okay, okay. How about that long one where Terri kidnaps our baby and I have to go to Paris with her? That’s quite spine-tingling.”
“Yeah, we can read that again. But it’s not on this site.”
“Really?”
“Don’t you remember that the girl never re-posted her story on this new site?”
“Ah, yes. Whatever happened to her anyway?”
“Busy with real life like most of them, perhaps. I’m sure she wrote once that she posted it too on her blog. Where is it? If only you have it bookmarked like I told you to. Do you remember her blog address?”
“You’ve got to be kidding, right? Me remembering that kind of thing? Of course not! Change. How about that one where we both die then?”
“No death, dying, plane crashes or even heart attacks. It will be a bad omen for this flight.”
“Oh, how about that one where I get to be a prince from the 17th century!”
“It’s never finished and we’ve read the very last chapter of it.”
“God, Paula! These are just fanfictions. How silly is it that we’re arguing about what fanfiction to read now?”
“Very silly. That’s why we should just read this one I’ve chosen.”
“You’re too bossy nowadays.”
“You have been too bossy on your own for far too long. It’s about time I am too.”
“But I don’t remember ever seeing this writer before. What if the story is horrible?”
“Let’s just give it a try.”
“Oh, well... if you say so.”
“I say so.”
“Click on then.”
“Paula, come to my room. Now.” Simon’s impatient voice is transmitted clearly over the phone right after Paula says her hello.
“What’s wrong, honey?”
“I need you. Hurry up.”
“What’s wro...”
“Just come here quickly, please...”
Simon’s voice is so disconcerting that it makes Paula run hastily out of her own room to Simon’s room without even putting on her stilettos first. Perhaps Simon Cowell is having his horrible headache again and he needs her to comfort him like she usually does.
“What happened?” Paula asks once Simon opens the door for her.
“Get in.” Simon pulls her, not so gently, inside the room.
“Simon, what happened?”
Simon doesn’t answer and just kisses her fiercely, puts her long honey brown hair with that blonde highlight around his fist and pulls it back to make her mouth open up to him.
His tongue thrusts deep into her mouth and leaves her breathless for air. When Paula feels that she’s about to faint from the lacking of air, Simon finally pulls away from the kiss.
Simon looks at her intently. His blue eyes are dark and heavy with lust while his broad muscular chest goes up and down searching for air to match hers.
“Blue eyes? The last time I saw myself in the mirror half an hour ago, I still had brown eyes.”
“This girl probably just wrote it based on her memory and didn’t bother to check the fact. See... broad muscular chest.”
“I don’t mind about the broad muscular chest.”
“Yeah, right. You can take non-fact when it’s broad muscular chest.”
“Don’t I have a broad muscular chest?”
“Um... Well...”
“Okay, okay, I don’t have a broad muscular chest. This is just the first few paragraphs and she can’t get some things right. I don’t think I want to continue reading.”
“Come on, you’ve promised to give it a try.”
“Have I?”
“You have. Now stop sighing and let’s read again. Where were we?”
“I need you, Paula,” Simon says in a low sensuous tone. His lips are curled in a side to make a devilish little smile.
“Oh, Simon, you’re incorrigible! I thought you were having one of your headaches. Look at me! We have auditions to go to and you just ruined my hair and make-up!” Paula turns around to find a mirror and tries to fix her appearance.
“You’re really one smoking item, babe. You look hot with ruined hair and make-up anyway,” Simon says taking her butt and massages it as he presses his semi-harden, jeans covered, cock to it.
“Come on, Si, behave.”
“But you look so hot already, babe. Trust me.”
“I sound so American with all those babes.”
“Shh...”
She purrs when he suddenly leans down and kisses the side of her neck. “Hmm aw... oh, sweetie.”
“Are you sure we have to go to auditions?” he asks, still running his lips on the skin of her neck.
“Very sure.”
“Why don’t I just call and cancel the auditions?”
“You can’t do that.”
“Sure I can. I’m the boss.”
“No, you can’t.”
“And here comes the yes no back and forth. So predictable.”
“Yes, I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can and I’m calling.”
Simon searches for a number in his cell before he puts the cell next to his ear.
“Simon speaking. I’ve got a headache. Cancel the auditions today.”
Simon listens to the voice on the phone for a few seconds before he continues.
“I don’t bloody care! Just cancel the damn auditions!”
“How professional I am to cancel auditions just like that. No problem. No millions are too much for Simon Cowell to be wasted. Great.”
Simon puts his cell away and starts tracing his fingers on Paula’s full lips, down to her chin then to her neck, straight to her cleavage. Paula’s boobs are round and full, TIGHT AS DRUMS.
“This, is, so, hilarious! Why on earth did this girl find the need to capitalise those tight as drums words?”
“Maybe she just saw that old photo of me and thought that she would look hip using the words?”
“Most probably, yeah. Silly.”
Simon squeezes the soft and supple boobs and Paula’s eyes go wide open as she hisses.
“Sssshhh.... aaaah....”
“Parseltongue Paula...”
Simon pulls down the dress that covers the breasts so that his hands get the freedom they need. Simon then rubs the right mound slowly with the palm of his hand. Paula’s nipple begins to harden and the hisses begin to sound longer and harder.
“Sssshhh, aaaah.... play it on, Si. Oooh, sssssshhh yeah....... sssssshhhhhh....”
“I didn’t know you’re this fluent in parseltongue.”
“Shut up.”
Meanwhile, Paula’s hand slowly worms its way to Simon’s loin. The slow movement finally reaches Simon’s pelvis. With his free hand, Simon helps her to open his jeans. Paula’s hand gladly finds the rigid and challenging hardness of his cock that it’s been looking for. Paula squeezes the cock while her other hand pulls his head to her boobs.
“Caress your face in my valley, Si...”
“Valley? Geez...”
Shep’s mouth opens. Paula pushes her nipple to that open mouth and he takes it in without any reluctance.
“Shep? Who’s Shep? Name’s Simon, Simon Cowell.”
“Hmm... I think I’ve got it all figured out now.”
“What?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
“Aaoow....! Oohh. Oohh, yeah. Bite it again, Si... suck it... harder! Sooo goooood... Uuuhhh...!”
“And... you’re back to Si again.”
“Tell me what you’ve figured out, Paula.”
“Later.”
Paula doesn’t hesitate to yell out her needs, whimpering and urging Simon to do more, to take more until she finally gets wild and pulls his hair. Simon’s head is pointed upward then Paula crushes his lips while her hand is still clutching his massive cock.
“I can’t take this any longer, Si! I want your hot cock inside me now! Oouuh..., OOOUUUHH!” she says in between the kisses.
“You’re loud.”
“I’m not.”
“In this story you are.”
“Did I ever scream?”
“Well...
“Did I ever scream to that extent and say things like that for real?”
“Well, no.”
Simon lets go of Paula’s hand on his cock and chucks his jeans and shirt away. He simply pushes her dress upward before removing her thongs. Then he slams her delicate pussy with his mighty cock.
“YES!!!” Paula screams manically as Simon pushes deeper and deeper.
“Oh God.”
“See... a capital yes with three exclamation marks. You’re that loud so I must be really really good.”
“Don’t be a smug!”
“You’re so hot, babe. So so hot and tight!”
“I’m always hot for you, Si.”
“I can’t believe I’m this cheesy!”
“Yeah, babe. And I’m giving it all to you now.”
“Ah, here come the babes again.”
Paula whimpers when Simon finally plunges his cock right to the hilt.
“I’ll do you all day long, Pawla!” He pinches her clit with his fingers, adding the sensation and making her yelp.
“Ahh!”
“Does that feel good, babe?”
“So good... so good.”
“You like that, don’t you, bitch?”
“How come your term of endearments is so off today?”
“Maybe because this is blue eyed me talking?”
“I do. Aahh... Do it again, Si.”
Simon pinches her clit again and receives a scream this time.
“Aarghh... fuck, Si!”
Paula grabs Simon’s wavy hair and brings his head down.
“Er... wavy hair?”
“I know, right?”
They kiss deeply and passionately.
“Si! Fuck me with all your might!”
“I am baby!!!”
“Harder! Fuck me like a bunny!”
“Ugh...”
They hear loud noise of balls slapping butt, skin slapping skin, but Simon thrusts even harder obeying Paula’s instruction.
“Siiiimon! I’m close, honey!! Harder!!”
“So close, babe! Come for uncle Simey, little one!”
“Eww... Uncle Simey, little one, you’re sounding like a pedophile.”
“Aaahhhh....”
Paula finally reaches her climax and screams so loud like a banshee having her ecstasy. Her fingernails sink deep to the back of his strong muscular arms. The scream and the nails pull Simon to his own climax. He feels the spasms. He knows what’s coming.
“Oh, babe! Fuck it! Fuck it! Here I come!”
“Come in me!”
And jets of his cum, molten lava hot cum, come squirting directly from his cock to her womb.
“Take it all, babe! Aaargghhhh!”
“Yeah, baby! AAhhh!!!”
“This is so...ugh!”
Quietness finally descends in the room as Simon and Paula lay on the bed running out of breath. Their bodies are full of sweat but their faces radiate nothing but rapture.
“That was soo good.”
“That felt so good.”
“Fuck... Yeah... So good, babe. Let’s do it again, Pawla. I’ll do you all day and all night long. I have handcuffs with me.”
“Oh my God! Let’s just stop here. This story is just hopeless! There’s nothing in it but us having sex.”
“You should look at yourself in a mirror right now.”
“Stop laughing!”
“Sorry, but that blushing face of yours is just... priceless!”
“Stop it!”
“Okay, okay. But still...”
“Knock it off!”
“It’s weird, you know. Here you are a mature, very experienced, 49 year-old woman blushing over a graphic sexual story.”
“Because it’s like watching porn.”
“We’ve watched porn before but you weren’t blushing like this.”
“Because this is us, porn version, that’s why! You and me. Us!”
“I just couldn’t take it seriously that it was us in the story since that line about me having blue eyes. What in the hell this girl was thinking when she wrote that?”
“McDreamy, perhaps. You see, all the physical descriptions scream MerDer to me. Blue eyes, long honey brown hair with blonde highlight, wavy hair. She even wrote Shep once, remember?”
“Dreamy, murder? What are you talking about, Paula?”
“Meredith-Derek fandom. Grey’s Anatomy. I wonder if she just took a line here and there from MerDer fics to make this.”
“I’ve no clue whatsoever of what you’re talking about.”
“God. Why did I bother to explain that to you?”
“You shouldn’t have. Nice choice of story though, Miss Abdul. Very nice.”
“Huh! We’re like bunnies there, doing it all day and all night long.”
“The title should have implied that.”
“Do these kids even realize that we’re not teenagers anymore?”
“We’re super humans to them, so it seems.”
“And it doesn’t even have a storyline!”
“Ah yeah. I forgot how you always prefer melodramatic storylines.”
“Will you just stop snickering and gloating with that sarcasm?!”
“I really can’t. Sorry. But you have to admit that this turns you on, doesn’t it, darling?”
“No.”
“Your face is flushing red again. Should I take that as a no yes?”
“Shut up.”
“Want me to ease your mind, dear? We still have... at least three hours left in this flight with nothing to do.”
“Um...”
“Three more hours with nothing to do... unless you want to talk more about what we’ve just read.”
“Well... I guess it is better to take your offer than just talk about it.”
Credit to Babyface for “All Night Long”
-31 July 2011-
Back to Saula's Reading Contents
SexySaula_08 wrote on Aug 01, '11
OMG.
I can't believe it! This is the funniest story I have ever read!
I have never laughed so loud to a story with "graphic sexual descriptions" aka Smut.
I gotta admit though, those having sex, weren't them for real. I mean, babe? Really? Blue eyes killed me the most.
Gotta agree with them. Whoever posted that story just copied some lines from other non-Saula stories. This has happened quite a few times! Annoying.
I love it. Goes to my favs. Whenever I want to laugh, there's always this rnsiregar story to make me pee my pants ;).
rnsiregar wrote on Aug 02, '11
Thank you. Glad that you found it funny because I had such fun fun time myself writing this. :))
I feel guilty though for making you pee in your pants. XD
DancingMonkey wrote on Aug 01, '11
Rose, Rose, Rose...... lol
There's nothing else I can say.!
Hahhahahah.
rnsiregar wrote on Aug 02, '11
Dennisse, Dennisse, Dennisse... :P
lovelover wrote on Aug 01, '11
You should continue this!!! I love the way you write! :)
rnsiregar wrote on Aug 02, '11
Thank you but I don't think there'll be a next chapter to this one. I put it in a series though so for something similar, there are always other titles. :)
darling_tina_sheep wrote on Aug 01, '11
oh my gosh.
ROFLMAOOOOO I can't believe you wrote this!!!
That was hilarious. I'm blushing and laughing so hard at the same time. lol I can barely handle it. I wonder if they've ever had these kinds of conversations for real. That's so mind-boggling. ROFL blue eyes- I knew something was up!!!
Thanks so much for this hilarious story lol
I totally melted when I saw the author's note. You're awesome, and I feel so special :D :D thank you for thinking of me. I’m still laughing my head off.
rnsiregar wrote on Aug 02, '11
Thank you. I had always wanted to write this but when I read your posts a couple of days ago on the Things You DON'T Do In a Fic thread, it prompted me to do it. That's why this one has to go to you. ;)
akaha wrote on Aug 02, '11
I love these "S & P reading a fanfic" stories, especially knowing that it's what they actually do. :))
rnsiregar wrote on Aug 02, '11
And I think you put on all these restrictions for non-members to read now because of them? :)
latebloomer wrote on Aug 02, '11
Oh, too brilliant. I have called out a fic on SHFF for the same problem before (it's still in my list of reviews for anyone who's curious), where someone just took a fic from another fandom and substituted some details to make it a Saula fic, so that added level of "detail" just made this extra hilarious!
rnsiregar wrote on Aug 02, '11
Thank you. I read that particular story too and was itching to write this. I think we were all annoyed by the same problems. ;)
saulaxlover4lyfe wrote on Aug 02, '11
OMG! That was so amazing. The blue eyes, the McDreamy stuff. I'm dead. I've never laughed and been so in love with a fic before! Thanks so much for writing! I loooooooove your fics!
rnsiregar wrote on Aug 02, '11
Thanks for taking it as a good laugh. :D
ahouseofleaves wrote on Aug 03, '11
Heh. That's hilarious. :D
rnsiregar wrote on Aug 04, '11
Thanks, Pia.
mandieox wrote on Aug 04, '11
This fic was great :') Hahahaha! I loved it :)
rnsiregar wrote on Aug 04, '11
Thank you. :)
intoscherzy wrote on Oct 11, '11
I look stupid because im laughing so hard while reading this and im all by myself sitting at a public place!! Lol great story
rnsiregar wrote on Oct 12, '11
And I must have looked stupid for chuckling alone reading your review. Thank you for letting me know that you enjoyed this!
pooka wrote on Nov 11, '11
hahahaha you brought McDreamy into this! I so can imagine that :) good story!
rnsiregar wrote on Nov 12, '11
Thanks! But I didn't only bring McDreamy, I brought the whole MerDer shipping. XD
berntje19 wrote on Apr 16, '12
Haha Love it!!!! only had to read some parts twice because I didn't noticed who were talking saula in the story fic or just saula
rnsiregar wrote on Apr 17, '12
Thanks. :) Saula reading the story is in italic while the rest is Saula in the story.
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